Prophetic Prank

According to a member who knew one of the bodyguards who protects the Prophet, President Hinckley was a very spry and active man, even into his advanced age. One of the most iconic images of President Hinckley is his cane, which he used more often to wave at crowds than to aid his walking.

The story goes that President Hinckley developed very good-natured and mirthful friendships with all of his bodyguards — that is, except for one bodyguard, who took his job very seriously, much to the annoyance of the Prophet. One day, while joking with this serious bodyguard, who showed no response or emotion, President Hinckley decided to show him who’s boss. He took his cane and gave a good, playful thwack to the bodyguard at the back of the knees, causing them to buckle and the bodyguard to tumble to the floor.

All the Same

A friend of mine reported that this story supposedly happened to his friend’s companion’s trainer. He had just received a new missionary under his tutelage and after showing him the ropes and his new home, they got ready for the night. This new missionary had already dressed into his pajamas and tucked himself under the covers. His trainer walked across the room to turn off the light, but right before he turned off the light switch, he paused, then turning to his new companion, he asked, “Elder, have you ever kissed a girl?”

“Of course I have,” the missionary responded defensively.

“Do you miss it sometimes?”

The missionary shifted uncomfortably in his blankets upon hearing such an awkward question. “Well, I guess so. Sometimes.”

“Well, have you ever kissed a boy?”

“What?!” the missionary cried out. “No! Never!”

“But it’s all the same in the dark, right?” And with that, the trainer flicked off the lights, plunging the room into darkness and quietly, carefully crept over to his own bed, trying hard not to laugh. For the next thirty minutes, the new missionary yelled out, too terrified to move and wrapped up in his blankets as much as possible for protection, screaming at his companion to not come within a foot of his bed or he would beat him savagely.

What Lies Beneath

A friend of mine told me that once, he brought his non-member girlfriend to church on Sunday. As they sat down, the girlfriend remarked on the white tablecloth covering the trays of bread and water for the Sacrament. Not knowing what lay underneath the tablecloth, she asked her boyfriend what the whole set-up was for.

My friend’s eyes lit up and he became very excited. “Oh, you’re in for a treat! We don’t usually do a baptism for the dead every Sunday!”, playing off of the old tale that Mormons actually baptize corpses. He reported that the blood drained from his girlfriend’s face, that his performance seemed so genuine that it took him a good amount of time to convince her that he was joking the first time, that there would be no corpse baptizing, and that all that lay underneath the “burial shroud” were tokens of the Atonement.

The Joseph Smith Prayer

I heard a slightly sacreligious story on my mission of a particularly unusual initiation prank on a new missionary. On this poor missionary’s first night, the other missionaries gathered in one of the bedrooms and surrounded a picture of Joseph Smith with some lit candles. They then called the new missionary in and asked if he could lead in “the Joseph Smith Prayer.”

No such prayer exists within the Church, and the missionary asks, confused, what they’re talking about.

“You know, the Joseph Smith Prayer? You learned it in the temple before you came out, right?”

At this point, the missionary is expressing either outright incredulity or panic. Finally, the older missionaries groan, “Great. He didn’t learn the prayer. Then you can’t participate.”

The other missionaries then forcibly remove the poor newbie out of the room and bar him from entering. They then begin to wail and chant and yell all sorts of crazy things until they feel they have sufficiently unnerved the new missionary enough for him to hate them for the next three days.

The “American Investigator” at Church

This is less of a folktale, since this actually happened.  I have it firsthand from all three parties involved, the missionaries and the “investigator”, but since it is another example of new missionary initiation pranks I thought I’d include it.

The Elder’s Quorum President in a ward in Germany had been an exchange student in Utah, where he found the Church and was baptized.  He also speaks perfect American English with no trace of a German accent.  In his ward there was a double transfer, meaning that both missionaries were new to the area, one was an American, one was Swiss – a brand new missionary.  This Elder’s Quorum President saw his chance to have some fun, so he pretended to be an American visitor, investigating the Church.  He approached the missionaries and introduced himself, told them he wanted to be baptized.  Of course the missionaries were ecstatic!  In many German wards the order of the Sunday meetings is reversed, with Priesthood/Relief Society first, then Sunday School, and then Sacrament meeting last.  This “American investigator” convinced the missionaries that he needed them to translate for him all of his meetings.  The new Swiss Elder just looked at his companion.  He didn’t know enough English to translate.  So the American Missionary translated all of Priesthood and Sunday School for the Elder’s Quorum President.  (What I love about this story is the fact that the whole ward was in on this joke.  No one exposed the Elder’s Quorum President as a member of the congregation or as a native German through either of these meetings!)

When it came time to go to Sacrament meeting, he felt sorry for the missionaries, and realized that the gig was up, since he was also speaking that day!  He asked the missionaries if Sacrament meeting had something to do with repentence, which they explained it did.  He then admitted he had to repent – he had been fooling them.  They all had a good laugh about it.